Genital Herpes and Your Sex Life
People with genital herpes must be more
aware and attuned to their bodies and take precautions so that they may reduce the risk of transmitting the
disease to partners who do not already have it.
Because herpes is a highly transmittable disease, even when you don't
have an outbreak, it's up to you to be responsible about when and how you interact with your partner.
But remember that sex isn't only about intercourse. The most intimate
experiences we have may involve kissing, touching, snuggling, and holding hands. Having genital herpes may
inspire you and your partner to think differently about sex and be creative.
You undoubtedly have a lot of questions as to how your sex life is
going to change from now on. Look at the following areas of interest to get some answers.
When Can I Not Have Sex?
There are people who become so concerned about transmission that they decide they should never have
sex again. This choice for celibacy is a personal choice, but many people continue to have active sex lives. Sexual
self-expression is a creative and joyous part of being human, and, by practicing safer sex, it may be just as big a
part of your life now as it was prior to your diagnosis. Remember, there is no cure for genital herpes, and even
with antiviral treatment, it is possible to spread the herpes virus to other people. Clinically Tested Formula providing results people are calling miraculous!
The most important commitment you can make is to abstain from sex
completely when you're having an outbreak. Even if you are at the prodrome stage, you should avoid sexual
contact. The nerve endings just under the skin signal that an outbreak is ready to occur, causing the symptoms
of tingling, itching, and pain. And once you develop early redness and the skin is tender to the touch, you
should consider yourself in the active phase of the infection. This phase generally follows a
- The skin swells
at the site and redness may occur
(blisters) form on the top of the sore
- The shell of the
vesicles comes off and becomes a wet ulcer
- The fluid from
the ulcer dries and the sore scabs over
- As the crust
hardens, new skin grows underneath
- The crust falls
off or the lesion dries up without ever forming a crust
The entire cycle typically takes three weeks for a primary infection,
but recurrences may be as short as 5 to 6 days, and not everyone goes through all the stages mentioned above.
However, no matter how long it takes, you should never have sex during an outbreak.
Some recurrences have hardly any symptoms—you might only have a tiny
bump on the anus or labia or foreskin, and it might not even hurt. However, no matter how small the sore, it is
still an active outbreak. Everyone's genital herpes is different, so it's important that you get to know your
If you're in any doubt about whether or not you are having an
outbreak, DON'T have sex.
What Is Safer Sex?
In the 1980s, when HIV first became a concern, there was a great deal of talk about "safe sex."
Campaigns to stop the spread of the disease as well as other STDs always focused on the use of condoms (sometimes
two at a time) and spermicide.
But safe sex turned out to be a myth. We have learned in the past two
decades that there is no sex between two people that is absolutely safe. Condoms can and do break. And for
people with genital herpes, condoms don't always cover the area of outbreak. Ideally, for complete coverage,
you'd need to use condoms, latex gloves, and sheets of latex (if you are allergic to latex, talk to your
healthcare professional about other barrier protection). This is too difficult for most couples.
So we are left with safer sex, which consists of a variety of erotic
activities that are lower risk. Practice safer sex and you may be more likely to protect yourself and
- Limit your
number of sex partners.
- Know as much as
you can about your sex partners. Before you go to bed with anyone, try and spend time getting to know him
or her. You may want to talk about your sexual history.
- Know how to put
on and take off a condom. Practice when you're by yourself and not under pressure to perform.
- Never reuse a
condom. They are designed to be unrolled and used only once. This is true even if you have not had
- Try to avoid
having sex when you are under the influence of alcohol. You may be less likely to use condoms
Do I Always Have to Use Barrier Protection?
The basic answer is "yes." To help reduce the risk of transmitting the herpes virus to others, you
should always use barrier latex protection. (Please see your healthcare professional for alternative barrier
methods if you're allergic to latex.) This is true even when you're not having an outbreak because you still may be
shedding the herpes virus. Asymptomatic viral shedding occurs when you don't have any signs or symptoms of genital
herpes but the virus is present on your skin, and you can transmit the virus to others.
But unfortunately, condoms don't always protect against genital
herpes. If the sore is just slightly to one side of the labia, for example, or further down on the shaft of the
penis, you won't have complete coverage. You may wish to use both a regular latex condom and also a female
condom, which covers the entire vulva. It's also a good idea to keep latex examination gloves around for safe
manual play. (Please see your doctor for alternative barrier methods if you're allergic to latex.)
Lesbian women may choose to use a latex barrier for activities where
their genitals may be in contact—you can buy sheets of latex from surgical and dental supply stores or from
websites and cut them to size.
Gay men should both be wearing latex condoms, even if only one is
infected. (Please see your healthcare provider for alternative barrier methods if you're allergic to
If you are in a mutually monogamous relationship with someone who
does not have herpes, the two of you have to spend some time deciding whether or not you will also wear a
condom. The first year of diagnosis is when the highest susceptibility of transmission occurs—not only may there
be more outbreaks, but there is a higher rate of asymptomatic viral shedding.
Some couples may have a lower likelihood of virus transmission the
longer they are together. This may have to do with the susceptibility of the partner, or the fact that the
person with genital herpes is aware of exactly when he or she is having a recurrence.
All About Condom Use
At the point when you need a condom, you're rushed, excited, and can't be bothered with reading any
instructions. That's why it's a good idea to learn exactly how to put on and take off condoms when you're calm and
collected. Women and men both should become experts at this skill:
Use latex condoms every time you have sex. Natural membrane condoms are too porous, and the
virus can get through them. If you are allergic to latex, talk to your healthcare professional about other
barrier protection. Only buy packages with expiration dates that contain the words "electronically tested."
These are less likely to break under pressure.
Keep your condoms away from heat, and be careful of long fingernails and jewelry when removing
them from the package or putting them on.
Never use oil-based lubricants like petroleum jelly on latex—they make condoms brittle, which
means that they can dissolve or crack.
As soon as you have an erection, it's time to put the condom on. Any type of contact between
genitals can potentially transmit the virus.
Open the package and squeeze the tip to remove all air bubbles.
Unroll the condom about half an inch. You can apply a little water-based lubricant. If you put
lubricant on the inside, after penetration it will warm up, giving you more sensitivity.
Place the condom at the tip of the erect penis and grasp between your index finger and thumb. If
you're using the type with the reservoir tip to catch the semen, pinch it a little to let the air
If the penis is uncircumcised, pull the foreskin back before putting the condom on.
Keeping contact all the way up, smooth the condom up the shaft of the penis. Unroll it all the
way to the top. You can apply more spermicide and/or a water-based lubricant.
The condom will be slippery at this point, so when you're ready for penetration, you may need to
grasp the rim to hold it in place.
If the condom breaks or tears, or it doesn't unroll all the way, stop. Get a new
After ejaculation, withdraw slowly. Don't wait for the penis to become flaccid. If you do,
fluids may leak out the sides of the condom and into your partner. Grasp the rim of the condom, pull it gently
off the penis, and throw it in a plastic bag.
Never flush condoms down the toilet.
If you might consider having sex several times in one day or night,
be sure to have supplies of condoms on hand. Never reuse condoms.
Herpes Issues and Your Family